Življenje nosečnice z motnjami hranjenja – Life of pregnant girl with eating disorder

Pozdravčki 🙂

Najprej, srečno novo leto 2018 vsem skupaj! ❤ Odločila sem se, da bom že prvi dan v letu napisala nov blog. Temo lahko razberete že iz naslova.
Veliko deklet poznam, ki ima motnje hranjenja. Tudi jaz sem ena izmed njih. Vedno me je zanimalo kako bo, ko bom noseča. Ali bom začela na moje telo gledati drugače? Ali se bom lahko vsaj takrat naučila jesti pravilno?

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Začetki nosečnosti

Sem oseba, ki je napol prebolela bulimijo. Z njo se ukvarjam že 7 let. Vem, da ne delujem kot oseba z takšnimi problemi, a vsak skriva neko pomanjkljivost. In to je moja. 😦
Bulimija. Začelo se je že v osnovni šoli, a o tem nočem več govoriti. To je le moja preteklost, o kateri nočem več razpravljati. Bila pa sem tudi na zdravljenju na oddelku za motnje hranjenja v Ljubljani, dve leti nazaj.
Že preden sem bila noseča, sem bila dosti bolje. Nisem se več obremenjevala s postavo vsak dan. Že res, da je kdaj prišel dan, ko je bil zelo težak, ampak sem se znala ustaviti. Ponavadi, nekaj let nazaj, sem imela kakšen slab dan, ki se je na koncu spremenil v slab teden ali celo mesec. Včasih me je bulimija spremljala vsak dan. Sedaj pa ni več tako. Morda zato, ker sem lansko leto postala bolj pozitivna oseba in se nehala obremenjevati s tem, kaj si drugi mislijo o meni. Začela sem bolj ceniti moje obline in se sprijaznila, da mi morda le ni usojeno imeti tisto popolno postavo.
Včasih sem telovadila vsak dan. Lansko leto pa sem nehala s tem. S pilatesom sem se ukvarjala le tam pa tam. Seveda pa sem se trudila jesti bolj zdravo. To pa še ne pomeni, da nikoli nisem pojedla hitre hrane ali pa sladkarije. Obožujem pa sladoled. 🙂

Rada bi začela s temo, kako mi je sedaj, ko sem noseča. In ne, ne rečem si več, da imam bulimijo, ampak da imam le še malo posledic. Se mi zdi, da jih bom vedno imela. Ampak zame, nisem več bolna.
Mnogi se sprašujejo, ali nosečnice pozabijo na to, za teh devet mesecev. Tudi jaz sem o tem razmišljala.
Vedno sem si govorila, da bom ozdravela. Rekla sem si, da bom jedla kar bom želela in da ne bom gledala na to, kako zdravo bom jedla. Rekla sem si, da se ne bom obremenjevala s tem, kako veliko številko bo pokazala tehtnica. In rekla sem si, da ne bom spravljala hrane ven iz mene, v straniščno školjko.
Na žalost ni bilo čisto tako. 😦 Že  res, da moram živeti zdravo, še posebej sedaj, ko v meni raste novo življenje in od mene črpa energijo, hrano. Ampak, ko sem prvič videla kako rastejo kilogrami, nisem bila več tako navdušena nad seboj. Začela sem se obremenjevati s tem kaj bom pojedla. Če pojem kaj sladkega, še kakšno uro po tem mislim samo na to, kako se bom spet zredila. Ne gledam se rada v ogledalo. Ne moti me velik trebuh. Motijo me vsi drugi deli telesa. Seveda pa ni tako vsak dan. Včasih sem dobre volje in mi je vseeno kakšna sem videti, ker bom upam da kmalu po porodu izgubila odvečne kilograme že z dojenjem, zdravo prehrano in rekreacijo.
Najhuje mi je, da še nikoli nisem imela toliko kilogramov, kot jih imam sedaj. Največ sem jih imela okoli 52. Preden sem bila noseča sem imela približno 51 kg. Sedaj, v 31. tednu, jih imam 59-60 kg (odvisno koliko vode zadržuje moje telo). Kako naj se oseba z motnjami hranjenja ne sekira, ko pa vidi tako veliko številko na tehtnici?

Ni vedno lahko. Včasih me tudi zanese in hrano spravim ven iz sebe. A to se zgodi le redko. In tudi ko se zgodi, nadomestim to izgubljeno energijo, ker vem, da moram poskrbeti za mojega fantka. Vem, da ne smem več gledati le nase, ampak tudi na še eno bitje, ki me rabi, da dobi vse za pravilno rast in razvoj. 👶🏻

Če kakšna oseba z motnjami hranjenja bere ta blog, bi ji rada povedala, da naj se poskuša pozdraviti. Vem, tudi jaz sem si govorila da se nikoli ne bom. A takrat, ko sem najmanj pričakovala, sem se pozdravila. Najti si moraš neko drugo stvar, s katero se boš začela ukvarjati. Naj ti veliko dejavnosti zapolni dan, imej veliko hobijev.
Če si noseča in imaš motnje hranjenja, prosim, na prvo mesto daj tvojega otroka. Nočeš, da bi imel kakšne posledice zaradi tebe in tvojih dejanj. Prosim, potrudi se vsaj zaradi njega. Noseča si, moraš pridobivati kilograme in telo se mora spreminjati.

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30 teden nosečnosti (+9 kg)

 

Jaz se trudim. Daje mi energijo, da ostanem močna in mi daje vedeti, da sem lepa takšna kot sem. ❤ Tudi ko imam slab dan, pomislim nanj in že mi je bolje. Velikokrat si rečem, da je nosečnost velik čudež. Kaj vse mora žensko telo pretrpeti, ko v njem bije še eno srce. Kako se mora spremeniti, da bo lahko devet mesecev skrbel za še eno majhno bitjece! Najlepše je, ko slišiš bitje njegovega srca. ❤ Še lepše, ko začneš čutiti njegove premike.
Nočem, da bi me nekoč videl nemočno in bolno. Želim, da me bo videl močno, zdravo, polno energije in pozitive.

Ne boste vedeli, ampak po tem kar sem napisala, se počutim veliko bolje. Vesela sem, da lahko to delim z drugimi.  🙂
Hvala vsakemu posebej, ki je prebral moj blog. Upam, da je morda komu tudi kaj pomagalo.

Bodi lepo,

Gaja❤️

______________________

First of all, happy new year 2018 everybody ❤ I have decided that I will already write a new blog in this year. The theme can be already seen from the title. There are many girls out there and they have eating disorders. Also, I’m one of them. I have always wanted to know how it will be when I will be pregnant. Will I start to look at my body differently? Or at least I’ll be able to learn to eat correctly?

I am a person who is almost healthy from bulimia. I have it for like seven years now. I know that I don’t look like a person with such problems, but everyone has some impefrections. And this is mine. :(<br<br
already started in primary school, but I don’t want to talk about this now.<br<br
my past, which I don’t want to discuss about. I was also on treatment at the department for eating disorders in Ljubljana, two years ago.
Before I was pregnant, I didn’t think about my body every day.

Usually, a few years back, I had an bad day, which in the end turned into a bad week or even month. Sometimes I have stuggled from bulimia everyday. Now it is no longer like that.
Maybe this is because I became more positive person last year. I began to appreciate my curves more . Sometimes I recreated hard every day. Last year, I stopped with this. I did pilatess 2-3 a week. Of course, I tried hard to eat more healthy. This does not mean that I’ve never  had a fast food or candy. And I really love ice cream. 🙂

I would like to start with the theme, how I stuggle with this now when I am pregnant. And no, I don’t call myself a bulimic anymore, but I have only little consequences.
For I will always have it. But for me, I am no longer sick. Many of us are wondering, if pregnant womens forget about this, for these nine months. Also I am wondering about it.

I’ve always told myself that I will be more healthy. I told myself that I will eat what I wanted and that I will not look at how healthy I will eat. I told myself that I would not be burden with this, how big number will be shown on scale. And I told myself that I will not throw food out of me, in the toilet.
But it was not like that. 😦 Already true, that I need to live healthy, especially now, when in my body is growing a new life and it draws energy from me.
The first time when I saw how much I gained weight, I was more so impressed with myself. If I eat something sweet, another hour after this I will think only on this, how will I gain weight.
I am still watching myself in the mirror. My big tummy doesn’t bother me. It bothers me to look at all the other parts of the body. Of course this is happening every day. Sometimes I’m in a good mood and I don’t care how I look, because I hope that soon after I will give birth, I will lose the extra pounds with breastfeeding, an healthy diet and exercise. The worst part for me is that I have never had as many pounds as I have now. The most I’ve had it around 52 kilos. Before I was pregnant, I had 51 kg. Now, in 31. week of pregnancy, I weight around 60 kilos. How should a person with eating disorders not be upset, when she sees so big number on the scale?

It’s not always easy. Sometimes I lost myself and I get food out of my tummy. But this happens rarely. And even when it does happen, I replace lost energy, because I know that I need to take care about my little boy. I know that I am no longer allowed to take care only on myself, but also on another person, who needs me.👶🏻

If somebody with eating disorders is reading this post, I would like to tell that you need to try to be healthy. Even I, when I least expected, I got healthier. You need to find something to fill up your day, have a lot of hobbies.

If you are pregnant and you have eating disorder, please, your child is now the most important. You don’t want him to have some side effect because of you. Please, just try for him. You need to gain weight now and the body needs to be changed.

I am trying. It gives me energy to stay strong and it gives me to know that I am beautiful you the way I am. When I’m having a bad day, I think about my baby and I am already feeling better. Pregnancy is one big miracle. Womens body needs to suffer many changes because of pregnancy. It needs to change for taking care about one little person for nine months.
It is the best feeling when you hear his heart beating ❤ The most amazing thing is to feel him moving around in your belly.

This is MY child and I don’t want him to see me unhealthy. I want him to see me strong, healthy and full of enegry.

You will not know but I am feeling much better after I wrote this. I am very happy to share this with you, guys. 🙂

Thanks to everybody who read my blog and I hope it will helps somebody.

Be good,
Gaja❤️

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